Our Claire is grieving…

My friend Sandra (San) died yesterday. She was one of the first people I met when I moved into the area and brought so much good into my life. I was far from alone in that. She was someone who dedicated her life to helping others. She gave the best hugs, was there for people through the ups and downs, and someone you could trust would be in your corner if anyone ever gave you grief. Her loss is immense. Her legacy is greater.

In my case, I’ve been told she wanted me to live wild and free. So my thoughts are dwelling on how I can do that. For a start, it means keeping my anxiety in check. According to Psychology Today, the best way of dealing with anxiety is to do nothing. Yes, nothing. Apparently, it retrains your brain and you become less anxious. However, I think there is a danger of that leading to recklessness. I’m sure San would not have wanted me to put my life or anyone else’s in danger. So what is the middle ground?

I think we simply have to think of crossing the road as an example: You are one side in need of provisions. On the other side is the shop that will sell you them. If I were to let my anxiety rule my life, I would not cross that road. Even if there was a pedestrian crossing, a car might appear from anywhere and run me down. So I would go without the provisions I need. On the other hand, if I were to be reckless, my chances of being run down increase considerably and the chances of getting the provisions I need lessen. The sensible option is to use The Green Cross Code. 

Translating this into what San desired for me, I believe she wanted me to live fully. Not backing away in fear. Not charging ahead carelessly. But recognising the risks, taking steps to mitigate them, and doing what I want to do safely.

In these times of COVID, when everyone appears to have an almost personal reaction to the virus, I believe that means informing myself as best I can of the risks and ignoring the scare stories that might prevent me from living a happy life. I might, for example, use this risk calculator designed by The University of Oxford. From this, I can conclude my risks of serious illness and death are so minimal they really aren’t worth worrying about. However, I would also take note that we are being warned that the immunity provided by the vaccines is waning but, with the same regard, note that experts say we have to expect repeated infection in our lifetimes and that the vaccines still lessen the impact of the virus. So, weighing all these things up, I would conclude that, right now, I can be cautiously optimistic I can live wild and free just as San desired.

San was also a talented poet and had her poetry read by people as diverse as John Cooper Clarke, Jon Snow, and Ruby Wax. She also set up a fundraiser for the Marie Curie nurses who have looked after her and her wife in their time of need. You can find more about her poetry and the fundraiser at her website.